My friend that applied to the same collage course to me but at HNC level got a letter for an interview today. This is all good for him but where is mine? Okay the Royal Mail ain't what it was but alot is riding on this... me getting into collage. I don't see my life doing any thing else but music and my friends doing higher levels than me fair enough i will get over it.... i know i ain't the smartest person but in over-all just getting into collage is a "biggie". Every one says i could be famous one day but i'm not convinced that that is true.
I find it tier-some that people some times big me up, not trying to be big headed or any thing, and thats a problem for me as i feel i have to live up to that. I hate it when people big some thing up and it turns out to be absolutely distraught, so when people big me up i try to be the best i can. Since my old band played at the school a few times people seen how good we were and we played a famous Metallica song called "one". I could always play this song but once in front a crowd thats all i was known for. "Jamie go play at mental solo" "Jamie at was so fukin cool you were like didleleedielieldielie" and i just smile and thank them. But this obviously has an ego effect that could not be helped. So when i go on stage people expect great amazing things when i can only do what i can. When you stand back and see all i can do, if every one else sat down and picked up the guitar they could do the exact same thing. It just takes time like every thing else. Its the same in geography. Thats a very simple subject and easy to do in exams because all the answers are there on the paper. But since i remembered the easiest stuff and did not carry on in class i got better marks and people thought i was really good at geography.
During my operation all i did was play xbox... specifically Halo 3. So naturally i got good at it and was better than most of my friends but if they just sat down a few hours at home and stuck it on hard mode they would be just as good. You can clearly see the difference of improvement if they come over for the night. And after a few days the would be rocketing.
Any way with out further a do.... the stresses in life is what makes life an experience. But too much stress can destroy people. I love the fact that i'm in a band with mates but i hate the fact that every thing has to be rushed along... i what some breathe time to do my own thing but that sometimes never seems possible unfortunately. There HAS to be a deadline for SOMETHING and a DATE for THIS AND THAT and we MUST get this DONE before then and WHEN can we start gigging and shows we can play.... just chill the fuck out. If you rush things they will go wrong. I feel that some times that maybe i'm a little chilled out for choosing music as a career but come one... if every thing doesn't go to plan then they will be asking me why. Then i'll have to say.... look you didn't want to take the time to do this and you wanted some ting done right there and then and i got in trouble for not handing in any home work that week because of it. When i do choose my self to push every thing aside for music and spend days writing some of you want to change all my work and all that i sacrificed was for nothing as you have made it your own and i couldn't change a thing about yours.
The joy's eh? well if i ever have problems i look to a few sayings I've been building up over the past while like... "the hardest challenge in life is to be your self in a world where every one is trying to make you be some one else" and "even if your on the right track you will get run over if you just sit there" by this and the thought that i will go onto a better place after i'm done i get through my current problems... thats not addressing any relationship problems but i'll leave them for another time.
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